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The Hopeful Bride: Including Those Who Can't Attend Your Big Day

The Hopeful Bride: Including Those Who Can't Attend Your Big Day


Sarah - @TheHopefulBride
Sarah - @TheHopefulBride Updated:
8th of March 2023
Last year, 2020 bride Sarah shared with us her wonderful wedding day of 15 people as the first part of a sequel wedding. Here she gives other couples planning during COVID some tips on how to include those who can't attend your big day...
Sarah The Hopeful Bride wedding photos Ben Stoney Photography

Image: Ben Stoney Photography

One of the lovely things about the early days of wedding planning is designing beautiful invitations that reflect your style and theme - something gorgeous to get all your guests excited about the big day. There is nothing quite like the thrill of posting those special envelopes and the excitement of receiving the first RSVP.  But no bride or groom ever considers that they might have to reverse that process; to tell guests they are no longer invited to the most special day of their lives, that accommodation needs to be cancelled, that carefully planned outfits are no longer needed.  No couple, that is, until March 2020 struck. 
 
So, how do you make that incredibly sad and difficult process diplomatic, tactful, stylish and informative, all the while knowing that things might change again?  Having postponed my wedding from April to October 2020 and my numbers reducing from 78 to 30, to - finally - 15, it's safe to say I've learnt a thing or two about handling this tricky and upsetting process. Here are my top tips:

Keep people informed where you can, and have personal conversations. 

It might be that you're just not sure what to do next and that's absolutely fine.  It's okay to let people know that, given the circumstances, plans might change and that you'll keep them posted.  It helps to stave off those tricky "What are you doing about your wedding?" type questions too!

Involving the guests you can no longer invite:

Once you have a plan in mind, think about how you can still involve the guests you can no longer invite.  It makes it much easier to uninvite people if you still have something nice to suggest by way of celebration.  Here are some ideas based on my experience:

  • Consider setting up a special Facebook group for all those who can't attend.  We posted a special 'virtual invitation' and invited everyone to watch a live stream of our ceremony.  This was easy to do and meant that we could speak directly to our guests during the filming.  In fact, these virtual guests were the first people we spoke to after getting married!  Later we uploaded the first dance and cutting of the cake.  People also used the group to send messages and post photos of themselves having a glass of bubbly at home - a lovely record of the day for us to look back on.  

Sarah The Hopeful Bride wedding photos Ben Stoney Photography

Image: Ben Stoney Photography

  • To everyone we could no longer invite, we sent a 'Celebrate in Spirit' pack in the post.  This contained their favour, some bubbles (you could send confetti) and a little poem that included details of the live stream.  These were sent out the week before the wedding - as far and wide as the US and Sweden.  The packs were a welcome surprise, showing our guests that we were still thinking of them. 
Sarah The Hopeful Bride celebrate in spirit wedding favours
  • We asked a few close friends whether they would like to attend as well-wishers.  If restrictions in your area allow, there is nothing stopping people coming to see you on your wedding day from afar - to give you a cheer and join you for some outdoor, socially-distanced photos.  It felt like a safe way for these friends to still be a part of our day and to create lasting memories together.  As one friend described it, "I got a behind-the-scenes view of your wedding and I loved it."

Sarah The Hopeful Bride wedding photos Ben Stoney Photography

Image: Ben Stoney Photography

To print or not to print new invitations?

Exquisite invitations are expensive, not to mention the postage, so what do you do when plans change?  Whilst I was really keen to have a fresh set printed, with the correct date and information, I was also mindful of the cost and inconvenience if things altered yet again.  So, we opted for beautifully designed email invites and - good job we did - things did change!  Did it take away from the lead up to the day?  Not at all.  

Yes, all this can be stressful, unconventional and require an extra layer of planning.  However, I would say be creative, stay optimistic, focus on the things you can do rather than what you can't and - who knows - you might just create a wonderful experience that no-one will ever forget.  
 
Sarah and her new husband plan to have a blessing and celebration with their wider friends and family in 2021. Follow Sarah for more tips and ideas on @TheHopefulBride. For the latest wedding news and updates, don't forget to bookmark our COVID Wedding News article which is kept as up to date as possible. 

Sarah - @TheHopefulBride

About the author


Sarah - @TheHopefulBride

Sarah created the account @thehopefulbride to document her COVID wedding journey. With experience planning a wedding during the pandemic and having to deal with the ups and downs first-hand, Sarah is the perfect person to share her thoughts and ideas with other couples in similar situations.

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