The planner in me struggled when the UK wedding industry was put on pause, so I decided to channel my planning energy elsewhere: preparing for marriage.
It is said that nothing can prepare you for marriage, which perhaps is true (ask me again in 3 months), but I was surprised at how much energy I’d put into preparing for the wedding, and how little energy we’d put into preparing for the marriage.
We decided to do a free marriage preparation course online which is often offered to couples who are getting married in churches, however, after completing the course, I would advise anyone to do this, faith or no faith.
My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and yet, had not spoken in detail about many of the topics covered, for example, raising children, finance, family expectations and sex, to name a few. It is true that the best type of marriage preparation is simply doing life together, but having a space to answer questions that we never would have asked each other has strengthened our relationship and given us a healthy focus as we approach our wedding day, whatever it looks like.
Image: Jessie Whealy Photography
Let's get talking...
There was no one listening in on our conversations, no one giving unwanted input and no judgement on our choices as a couple. However, if a marriage preparation course is not for you, why not chat through some of these questions with your fiancé as you prepare for marriage…
- How has the way your family communicated when you were growing up affected the way you communicate now as an adult?
- How different is this to the way your partner’s family communicates?
- Which times and places are most conducive to good communication?
- What patterns of resolving, or failing to resolve conflict, did you observe in your parents’ (or main caregivers’) marriage?
- What, in your view, is the role of marriage in society?
- What excites you, or frightens you, about marriage?
- What chores do you do? What chores would you like your partner to do?
- How much would either of you spend without consulting each other?
- Write a list of 6 things you enjoy doing together, and then share with your partner.
As you think through centerpieces, table numbers and dress fittings, remember to take some time to invest in your partnership, whether that’s going on a special date night (with no wedding talk), answering some of these questions over coffee with your partner, or completing a marriage preparation course.
Read the next in this mini-series: Plan A, B and C
Missed the first part? Read part 1 in this series here.